inCONCEIVable

After three rounds of clomid, after countless doctor appointments and internal ultrasounds, after lots of tense moments, we have managed to get PREGNANT!

I can't believe it.  This baby is already a miracle.  I had three internal ultrasounds this cycle.  All concluding the same thing... I didn't ovulate, the cycle was failed, nothing worked.

On Monday I decided to call my doctor to get a prescription of provera.  I was on cycle day 36 and I was sick of waiting around for my period.  I was extremely crampy and I figured my period just wasn't going to start on it's own.  They called me in an RX and we went to pick it up after a shopping trip.  I grabbed a two pack of pregnancy tests to double check before I started the meds.  Provera can be lethal to a fetus... so I always take a test before starting it.  I fully expected it to be negative.  When we got home William and I both had to go to the bathroom so we divided and conquered.  I took the test and as I was watching it develop I was like "That's weird, the control line is normally farther over."  The test continued to develop though and another line showed up.  I think my jaw hit the ground.  I was in complete shock.  I immediately thought about taking the other one but knew there was no way I had any urine left to do that.  I just stood there for a minute.  There were two very dark pink lines.  I've always heard that "barely positive" tests could be false positives so my first thought was... "Well, maybe one of the meds I took this month is causing a false positive".

When William and I reconvened in the living room, I motioned him over to look at the test.  I think he was like "Seriously? No way." I frantically started calling doctors (which always results in leaving messages).  They called back eventually and confirmed that this was not a false positive.  Before they had called back I had already taken a few more tests.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for 2:45 on Friday July 8th.  I will be 6 weeks and 5 days then... hopefully everything looks good.  There is still a big chance of miscarrying but I'm going to try to stay positive.

So the things I want to remember about this week are... We bought Texas A&M onesies on Monday before finding out we were pregnant.  William even let me.  I think it was our little sign from God.

I loved Dana's reaction... she screamed... that made me happy.

5 week stats:

Baby is the size of a sesame seed.

This week the heart starts pumping blood.

I will start making extra blood for myself and in a few weeks I'll have 40% more than normal.

Symptoms:

I wish I had more... because it would make me feel like things were fine.

So far just peeing a lot more often.

I've been pretty tired.

I have some uterine cramping... but no bleeding.

Also, when I get hungry... I'm HUNGRY! (Ask Dana.)

Cravings:

Escalante's Queso

Peyton

Reproductive Endocrinologist

"We met with Dr. Bookout today.  First impression... he is very old.  William says I'm a horrible person for noting this.  Oh well.  The good news is, he has seen it all.  He remembers days before IVF and other treatments and has seemed to embrace each new advance.

He did a brief history, an internal sonogram (my fav), and then we talked about the "plan".

I liked how he complimented our decision to start trying now.  He said our prognosis was very good since we are both young and in good health.  He also said that couples going through IVF at an older age have a much higher chance of having a child with developmental disorders.  He said that my exam was normal.  So that's good.

So here's the plan.  We are changing drugs... I'm going to take Femara, which is a drug that promotoes FSH production by filling estrogen receptors in the brain. It's similar to Clomid... but different.  He said that while the old way of thinking used to only try one method per cycle (so like take 5 days of Clomid... then wait and wait and wait... even if you KNOW it didn't work), now studies have shown it's safe to piggy back treatments.  There is no "cycle" to mess up, so there is really no reason to wait.  I find that reassuring.  We might as well be efficient with our time.  So what's it going to look like this cycle?
We aren't sure.  He is going to "individualize" my treatment based on what my body does...YAY! I'm not a fan of cookbook treatments so this makes me happy.  Theoretically here is what could happen.  After my period I start taking the Femara.  We start at the lowest dose and take it for 5 days.  Then do an ultrasound to see if it worked... if it didn't, then we hit it will a higher dose of Femara... then an ultrasound... you get the idea.  He said that if we see follicles, but none of them select like last time, we could hit small ones with Follistim (straight FSH) to move them along.

He did bring up the scary M word several times.  We are at a very high risk for multiples.  I most likely have good eggs and once things start working they will work WELL.  He kept throwing out the words "twins" and "triplets".  Little does he know we would be thrilled... and I think we are going to have a house big enough by then!
Peyton

Tomorrow, tomorrow!

Sooo exctied! I can't wait! I've been giddy all day! Yay! Yay!

No period yet... good news for us!
Peyton

Counting Down

I've never been so excited about a doctor's appointment.  I'm wondering at what point I'll stop being hopeful.  So far I can keep being hopeful that a new doctor will solve our problem.  Well maybe not the doctor, but a new treatment.  I'm so ready.

My period hasn't started yet. I see that as a good thing.  Not for the obvious "I might be pregnant reason"... because I doubt that.  But more for the fact that if I haven't start before my appointment he will have a full cycle to treat me.  I really would hate to miss a cycle of treatment.  I'm home right now.  I have time.  My schedule is flexible for whatever doctor's appointments I need.  Also, if I get pregnant in July or August... I'll be due in March or April which will give me the end of the school year off and then all summer with my baby.  Love that idea. Of course... I don't care when I get pregnant.  As long as it happens.

Doctor's appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist is on Tuesday at 3:30pm!

Peyton

A New Kind of Burn

This weekend I experienced a new kind of burn.  Well actually two new kinds.  It's the kind where someone who knows our entire situation, or has been someone I've confided in since the beginning says something not so nice... or gets pregnant... or maybe was pregnant when I was confiding in them. Ouch.

Some people are so supportive... some people's wives are not.  I'm thankful that William at least has someone to talk to... even if his wife is a total dummy about it.

And then I find out this morning that a couple is in our Sunday School Class is pregnant.  The wife is a total sweetheart and at a Sunday School function I confided in her about things.  When I came out on facebook, she was very supportive.  Finding out today that she was pregnant that whole time...Ouch. I mean I know she obviously meant well by being supportive.  But it makes the "I can imagine how hard it must be" seem so shallow now.

I've officially entered the baby blues stage.  I've held back tears this cycle until this weekend.  I cried to William telling him how sorry I am.  We were at a Catholic wedding this weekend which apparently brings out the baby fever in everyone.  There were comments left and right about starting families.  For once I felt like I wasn't the only one dodging them.  William was right in the middle too.  Which is why I apologized so much later on.

Everyone is pregnant.  I can't turn around with out seeing someone pregnant.  How come I never noticed this before? William has started warning me... "Don't turn around" or "Watch out behind you, there is a lady with twins in highchairs and is pregnant".  He notices too.  I'm not sure what hurts more.  The pang of emptiness I feel wash over me or the pang of sadness from him being aware now.

It has been a year.  Not to the day... but in June last year I stopped taking my birth control.  We were nervous and scared but hopeful.  I've managed to hang on to hope.  I also realize that it's easier because I haven't lost a baby yet.  When we entered this journey, we were fully aware that losing a baby would probably be on our plate.  My medical conditions will affect staying pregnant.  Now that we are in it, knowing how hard it has been to get pregnant, losing a baby seems like it will be the worst.

So here we are buying a big ole house... just hoping to fill it up.  I hope it's not jinxing our selves.  William and I decided that whatever the status of my ovaries and uterus in December we will start the adoption process.  We should be settled into our home by then and ready to set up house for a baby... which I think is the hardest thing about adoption. (Setting up your house before everything is official).  Someone... please promise me that I can have a baby shower even if I never get pregnant.  I mean you know if we adopt an infant.  I'm sure that sounds so selfish and materialistic.  But I can't help it.  It's something I think about all the time.

Okay... time to pick myself up off the floor... I have things to get done today.

Peyton

Monday's Day 15 Sono

I had another sonogram on Monday CD15.
My lining was apparently "beautiful" so it's good to know at least something worked.
I had no follicles... all the tiny ones had disappeared.
I didn't have any cycts or anything else remarkable though, which is good.

On to the RE.  Hoping works out that we don't have to go unmedicated for a month this summer.
Peyton

Round 2... or is it 3?

Written last week:
* Warning... this post contains way too much information....

Today is Day 3 of my cycle... so I went for my regular day 3 sonogram...
I say regular, but I sure hope it's my LAST day 3 sonogram.

It was quite an experience.  When you are going through the process of getting pregnant all your inhibitions and your comfort zone goes out the window.  Let's just say internal sonogram on day 3... you do the math on that one. Gross.

So today I begin the Clomid as my ovaries were looking "normal" and my endometrial lining was looking "nonexistent".  Wonderful. It's currently 2mm and needs to be at least 8mm if not 18mm to support pregnancy. This is the part where it gets complicated.  Because even if the Clomid works and egg meets sperm I would only be chemically pregnant unless the little blob "sticks" to the lining.  So we have to combat both issues. Worst news for this is that the opposite hormones control each mechanism (ovulation and endometrial thickening).  That's the need for the estrogen following the Clomid.

On Day 12 I get to go back for another sonogram.  I'm praying for there to be some beautifully large follicles there that day.  If there are... we will go ahead with IUI, providing that William's schedule cooperates.

Written today:

Today is Day 12... no follicles were dominant.  This means that I had some tiny tiny follicles on my ovaries and my endometrial lining did develop a tri-laminar state however no follicles were large enough to be consider viable candidates to make a baby.  He is having me come back on Monday to declare it a failed cycle. I will go see the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) as soon as he can see me.

It's been a rough week.  I've decided to take the summer off completely to try and get my body in order and hopefully start making some progress on this baby growing.
Peyton